I made a slight detour via Reading and Debenhams on the way home today. I had to buy a new toaster because last night I cleaned mine too hard, and it broke. (Ooops.) It’s not very often that I have broken things by cleaning them too much, but hey…

Anyway, I decided to see what was on offer. After looking after our current toaster, a Morphy-Richards brushed-steel model (that was also a wedding present – more oops…) for several years, I decided not to go for chrome this time, as it is actually fairly difficult to keep clean, and also seems to add about £20 to the price. But I did look up some popular names – and got quite a shock.

Now, before I unleash my outrage and amazement, I have to say that I think everyone here knows I like toast. I have it every morning, I consider it a main comfort food; in fact, sliced bread was invented, I believe, in order that man (and woman…) could Toast. So, I want you to take a look at this picture:

This looks like a fairly normal, if colourful, two-slice toaster. But when this is attached to it:

The price goes from between £20 and £50 to £109.00! (Oh, sorry – 10% off today, which means it’s only £98.10…) I thought asking for a £35 toaster for a wedding present was cheeky – but £109! And that’s not all. In-store, the same model, in chrome, is £130. I can think of many things to spend £130 on besides a toaster… And most of them involve taking home more than one item! Yikes…

So, I decided to go for the Prestige toaster…

…but not this chrome version, the soft-sided version, which was a respectable £25. I liked its swooshiness, as well as the not-£130 price tag…

Long may it toast!

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Thank you, O Dr Toast!

You have merged my two passions! Toast and poetry – poetry and toast – how could I have lived without such eloquence at breakfast? (And the occasional slice of cinnamon toast in the early evening?)

This is for you:

(ahem…)

Cinnamon

Sugar and spices
Meld with the warm buttery
Crunch – ecstatic bite!

(But my offering is so little – check out the Doc’s wurdz…)

I blame Jasper Fforde.

It was in the back of ‘The Big Over Easy‘ that I first discovered the comic properties of toast. His advert for the Toast Marketing Board really did make me laugh out loud.

And then, while harmlessly shopping for an amusing card for a friend, I discovered Edward Monkton and his Interesting Thoughts on toast.

And now this.

It’s amazing what Google allows you to discover – this is perhaps why it is one of the best search engines in the world – but I’d like to you try this:

1. Open another window (so you can do this and still read the instructions, of course…)

2. Go to Google.

3. Type in ‘toast’. (Yes, I may be crazy, but it’s necessary. I’m a teacher. I teach English to teenagers. It’s a requirement. Just humour me.)

4. Hit the ‘return’ key.

One of the things you are likely to find, once you get past all the pictures of Jesus on toast, is a link to Comedyhome.com, on which you will find a little flash animated cartoon called ‘Toast‘. Inventive use of the machine, I will say…

By the way, if you are ever stuck without a toaster, the Internet always has a solution. Try The Toast Shop – six different varieties of Toast by Post, all for a modest charge…

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