If you’ve been watching the latest series of The Apprentice over the past few weeks, you cannot have failed to notice Stuart “The Brand” Baggs – he famously said that everything he touched turned to sold on the first programme of the series. He is notable in being the youngest candidate ever to appear on the series, and currently runs his own telecommunications company on the Isle of Man.
This week he finally got his chance to shine, and demonstrate his unique management style. Here we present some of the key techniques he demonstrated, so others can emulate his success.
- Modern business is mired by too much sitting around in meetings discussing things. As manager only your opinion matters so cut off all discussion and make bold decisions… and then make them again several hours later when you change your mind.
- A key strength needed for management is “extreme masculinity”. Make sure you enforce this masculinity by driving very fast around a race track whilst your
minions do your biddinghardworking team perform their designated tasks.
- Remember your age is a key strength. Make sure you’re aware of the age of older members of your team and enforce your superiority by highlighting the age gap. Women feel particularly motivated by being reminded of their age especially if they’re over thirty.
- The best place for vital information is in your head, writing things down is for the weak.
- If something is selling well, put the price up by fifty percent and leave your sales team to explain it to the customers.
- Make sure everybody on your team knows what they are responsible for and clearly states to camera the jobs for which they will be fired instead of you.
- Don’t waste too much time on the tasks you have assigned yourself such as quality control. If it all goes wrong, blame Stella as she’s old and has to write things down so she doesn’t forget them.
- There is no need to take deposits for sales, people will be sure to come back to collect their DVD’s.
There’s always next week…